Bye, Kate (Insert Frowny Face Here)

It’s Thursday night, and I dropped Kate off at the airport a few hours ago. I’m feeling a bit glum now that she’s gone. She’s one of my dearest friends, if not my best friend, in the world. We had such a great time when she was here and did a lot of exploring. Fortunately we talk on the phone several times a week, so she’s only a phone call away. Still, I wish she lived here.

Here are a few photos of our jaunt to Hoyt Arboretum yesterday. The arboretum, which is located in Washington Park, is 187 acres and host to around 10,000 individual trees and shrubs. It has around 1,100 different species, and many of them are labeled. We didn’t have time to take in the entire arboretum, but we got a decent hike in yesterday. I definitely want to go back there and bring MoMo with me. The arboretum has all sorts of shady trails with towering Douglas-Fir trees and awesome views. It’s a pretty magical place.

This is the marker for the Oregon Vietnam Veterans Living Memorial at the entrance to the arboretum. The entire memorial is this circular path that has individual markers for each year of the war and lists those who died during that particular year. The markers also detail what happened in history during that specific year (see below). It’s a pretty incredible memorial and a very serene place.

Seeing memorials like this with all the names of fallen soldiers, to me, is both overwhelming and awe inspiring. Each name represents a living, breathing person who died in service of others. It’s so difficult to fathom the suffering and sacrifice that was endured, just from a long list of names. Tributes like this are so lovely and necessary, though.

This is the circular path that leads to the individual memorial markers. Again, lovely.

Fir trees. I don’t know what else to say about them.

One of several peaceful, magical trails we traversed.

Kate looking adorable, as usual.

This is me with a Spanish dagger plant. Kate took this photo twice. The first time, she asked me to act like the plant was an actual dagger plunging into my heart. I did and then accidentally jabbed my finger on the plant’s “spear,” which drew a bit of blood! The picture looked insane (or rather I looked insane in the picture), so I’m posting this much more pleasant version. I like to think that the plant comes in peace.

This sign at the visitors’ center warmed my heart. Free hot tea! Take that, capitalism!

This sign did not warm my heart. So many of the trail signs were covered in graffiti. Can you make out the words at the top? It says, “Lesbian teratorey.” Fuckin’ lesbian vandal can’t even spell.

Here are a few more pictures—just some odds ‘n’ ends.

Me looking slightly crazed and more than a bit bedraggled Tuesday night at Chez Machin, a French bistro on Hawthorne that Kate and I went to for dinner. I’d spent the day editing while she gallivanted around town on her own. If I had known we were going to a French bistro, I would have worn something a bit nicer and looked more presentable. Don’t ask me why I’m holding a plate of bread and butter in the photo. I have a weird habit of posing with food.

Kate suggested we make a toast with our croque-monsieurs because the bread was toasty.

Speaking of food, I ate like a crazy person this week while Kate was here. I offered to cook meals for her at home, but she kept insisting we eat out because she loves to eat out while on vacation. This is some of the food I had while she was here: a BLT and crinkle-cut fries, eggs with biscuits and gravy (and bacon), chocolate cream pie, and, of course, the decadent (and freakin’ delicious) croque-monsieur. We went to Ron’s Restaurant THREE TIMES. One time I just sat there while she ate, but still… I’m telling you, Ron’s has placed a spell on everyone I’ve taken there. Fortunately I didn’t gain any weight this week, but I also got in a good amount of exercise, too, which I’m certain helped matters. Now I have to go back to eating like someone who’s actually trying to lose weight. Speaking of…I’ve decided for sure to make my way down to 135, so I have ten more pounds to go. I don’t think I should go any lower than that. When I get down to 135, I’ll have lost a total of 100 pounds. Unbelievable.

This morning Kate and I went to Pine State Biscuit on Belmont for breakfast, and afterward we went to Mt. Tabor Park. Meanwhile, MoMo was at the groomer’s—finally!

This picture cracks me up! Kate ordered biscuits and gravy with an egg on top, and I got my usual (I’ve been there a total of three times—can I even have a “usual”?), a biscuit with bacon, egg, and cheese. Yet another decadent meal. Anyway, I love biscuits and grew up eating them (my mom was Southern, after all), and the biscuits at this joint are pretty damn awesome. I tasted the gravy Kate ordered. My mom’s was definitely better. The only person in the world who can make sausage gravy better than my mom did is my Aunt Dood. Even my mom admitted to that.

Sweet photo of MoMo, post grooming. He looks like a completely different dog. He gets pretty scared and skittish at the groomer’s. I usually have to hold him and pet him while they’re brushing him out and while they do the preliminary shave-down. Then I leave once they get him in the tub. That’s what I had to do today, too.

I LOVE this picture. MoMo in full howl on my front steps this afternoon.

Me and my sweet buddy. Did you notice my grooming as well? Probably not. I cut a couple of inches off my hair today, and then Kate evened it out for me. I feel a lot better, much like MoMo must feel right now.

I’m going to edit the mega mystery novel a little more tonight and then watch a couple of episodes of Grimm. I got Kate hooked on it while she was here. I think we watched seven or eight episodes of it together. It’s about a cop who finds out that the characters from Grimms’ fairy tales actually exist in real life and are committing gruesome crimes. The cop is a Grimm, one of many individuals in a long lineage who can see the creatures’ true identities. Plus, as I’ve mentioned, it’s all set in Portland. It’s a really, really great show—spooky and action-packed and kinda funny too—and it’s fun to watch the show and spot places I know around town. Last night Kate and I were watching an episode and I said, “Hey! It’s Multnomah Falls!!!” The cop was chasing a bad guy right by the snack bar. We totally cracked up at that.

That’s all I’ve got to say right now. ‘Night, friends.

A Few Pictures

Just a quick post before Kate and I head out to Hoyt Arboretum. I finished editing the kids’ time travel novel yesterday and turned it in. Hurray! It wasn’t due until Friday, but I feel so much better now that it’s done. Now I’m working on the gargantuan 190,000-word mystery/crime novel, which is due in a little more than two weeks. It’ll be a major task for sure.

Here are a few photos of the Fences For Fido build that Kate and I volunteered at this past Saturday. I’ll try to post some of our arboretum excursion photos tonight. Kate’s flying back to California early tomorrow evening. Sad!

This is the kennel Kate and I helped dismantle. It was quite a job. This photo was taken after we had removed the roof and all sorts of plywood and other materials from inside the kennel.

Working on ground wire.

One of two dog houses built for Oso and Chico.

Kate and I attaching the roofing to Chico’s dog house.

Chico released into his fenced yard! He’s an old guy and sorta just puttered around the yard and marked his territory at almost every single fence post. He had been so wary and protective on the chain in the alleyway behind the house, but he warmed up to everyone once he was free from the chain and had his own space to roam around in.

Group shot of the awesome FFF team that built the fence for Oso and Chico. I love how Chico is all relaxed with his belly in the air. Such a transformation!

Gotta go see some trees now. Bye!

Pittock Mansion and Multnomah Falls

I’m at home working tonight—well, I’m taking a short break from working right now—while Kate is at a movie. We’ve done some very touristy (but fun!) stuff over the past couple of days. Yesterday we went to the Pittock Mansion, which is a 16,000-square-foot, twenty-two-room mansion nestled 1,000 feet above Portland’s skyline. It was originally built for—and owned by—Henry Pittock, publisher of The Oregonian newspaper. He and his wife Georgiana lived there from 1914 to 1919. In 1964 the City of Portland purchased the mansion and its grounds for the miniscule sum of $225,000. The mansion is surrounded by forty-six acres and offers incredible views of the city and the Willamette River. Here are some pictures from our field trip.

Kate with a portrait of Georgiana Pittock.

Kate and Old Man Pittock. There’s a big painting of him in the house, too. I read online that some people have claimed that Henry Pittock’s ghost haunts the mansion and that his portrait sometimes moves around on its own into different rooms of the house. I’m not buyin’ it.

Me looking like the Shaggy D.A. in one of the kitchens.

Again, what is going on with my hair?! Here I am holding two plastic loaves of bread. You weren’t supposed to touch anything in the mansion, but I couldn’t resist picking up these fake baguettes. They were calling out to me.

Lovely marble stairway. The mansion has four levels, and it still has the original elevator and dumbwaiter, too.

One of several showers in the mansion that looks more like a Guantanamo Bay torture device than a shower.

Scary toys in one of the children’s bedrooms. They were right beneath a puppet stage that had a wooden toy sausage grinder on it. The sausage grinder actually said, “Sausage Grinder” on the front. I don’t think they make sausage grinder toys for kids these days. That’s a shame.

My favorite room in the house, the library. My photo of it turned out kind of blurry, so I snagged this one from the Internet. The room has such a warm and cozy feel. I wish I could have hung out in there and read a book or played some board games for a few hours. The staff, however, probably wouldn’t have appreciated my kicking back and busting out Connect Four or Battleship.

This thing is called an annunciator. It allowed the residents of the mansion to send signals to the servants to let them know where help was needed in the home. In the upper right-hand corner you can see a set of arrows. The residents could somehow control the arrows so that they pointed in the direction of where the servants’ assistance was required. Wacky stuff.

Pretty table setting with more plastic bread and some plastic grapefruit.

Cool old toiletries in a bathroom cabinet.

A book I liked on the nightstand in one of the mansion’s many bedrooms.

Kate outside the mansion with Portland and the Willamette River in the distant background.

Today we went to Multnomah Falls, which, at 620 feet, is the tallest waterfall in the state of Oregon. Some claim that it’s the second tallest waterfall in the country, but there’s a bit of a dispute about that. Anyway, this waterfall is enormous—almost as tall as the Gateway Arch in St. Louis—and beautiful beyond words. It’s a little more than twenty-five miles from where I live. There were lots of tourists there, but surprisingly they weren’t annoying, like many tourists can be. Here are some photos from our trip today.

I spent 50 cents on this post card at the gift shop. I had to buy it. Look who’s in it—Bigfoot!!!

I spent $4.00 on this gigantic hot dog. I could have bought eight Bigfoot post cards for the same amount.

Here’s Kate looking horrified by what she ordered at the snack bar. After I took this photo, she turned to me and said, “Next time, I pick where we eat.”

After our trip to Multnomah Falls, we drove through this little town near the Columbia River Gorge called Corbett, where I’m thinking I might eventually move. It’s a bit isolated, but it’s so beautiful there, with rolling and winding roads and lots of woods and farms and barnyard critters. Plus, it’s not too far from “civilization.” After we went to Corbett (don’t make fun of me), we went to the Columbia Gorge Outlet Mall because I wanted to go to the GAP outlet and the Levi’s outlet because my clothing situation is dire. I only ended up buying one thing, a pair of shorts from the GAP, but at least now I have one pair of shorts that fits me!

I gotta get back to editing. Actually, I’m proofreading. I finished the edit of the children’s time travel novel, and now I have to go back and proofread the last hundred pages or so. I’ll be overjoyed when this book is finally over and done with. The run-on sentences and sentence fragments in the last third of the book were driving me bonkers.

Just for fun—and because this is a very picture-heavy post—here’s a photo of the meatloaf I made for MoMo a couple of nights ago (organic ground beef; pureed carrots, green beans, peas, and spinach; red rice, brown rice, and black barley; a couple of eggs; and some ground eggshells for calcium). The whole thing costs me about $4.50 to make and it lasts him about a week. For variety I sometimes use ground turkey or chicken instead of beef, or oats instead of rice. I switch up the vegetables, too, so he doesn’t get tired of eating it. Surprisingly, he never does.

More later! Must…finish…proofreading…mammoth…time…travel…novel.

Fun With Kate

I’m having a super-fun time with Kate so far. It’s late Saturday afternoon, and she’s taking a little nap right now and I’m doing some editing. She arrived in Portland yesterday about four hours late. There was some snafu with the train, and Amtrak had to divert everyone on the train to three different buses, which sucked for Kate because she really had wanted to make the trip from Vancouver to Portland by train, not by bus. Anyway, she’s exhausted because she had to get up at 4:30 a.m. yesterday and then didn’t arrive in Portland until 7 p.m. last night, so my sweet pal is taking a well deserved snooze.

After she arrived, we went out for dinner at this excellent Indian restaurant on Hawthorne called Dwaraka. The servings were ginormous—no way could we eat it all—and the prices were really reasonable. I hadn’t had Indian food in a while (unless you count Trader Joe’s frozen chicken tikka masala and Trader Joe’s frozen naan), so it was a nice treat, especially since I had tandoori chicken—my favorite Indian entree.

This morning Kate and I worked on a Fences For Fido build in Gladstone for a big yellow dog named Chico. His pal, Oso, wasn’t there because he has issues with people. The family had this big kennel set up on the property, which we had to completely dismantle and throw in the trash, so the build took longer than usual. Kate kept grinning big grins during the entire build and telling me how much fun she was having. She took a bunch of photos during the build, but I can’t figure out how to download them on to my computer, and she didn’t bring her laptop with her on vacation. In the meantime, here are a couple of photos of us at Ron’s Restaurant, where we had a late breakfast after the build. This was the first time I’d been to Ron’s in several months; I had sworn the place off for a while because I was eating there too much and it was hindering my attempts at losing weight.

I desperately need a haircut.

All for now! I gotta get back to editing. I’ll try to post some photos of our Fences For Fido build if I can figure out how to get them on to my computer. It’s so nice and comforting to have Kate here until Thursday. She’s family to me, and there’s nothing in the world more important than that.

p.s. I talked to my friend Jon today. He might have to have yet another surgery because he’s been experiencing intense intestinal pain. He’ll find out on Monday. FYI: Jon moved to Maine several months ago and lives next door to Stephen King. On the phone today, he said, “He’s one of the most normal people I’ve ever met in my life.”

The Shirt Fits and the Dreams Are Sweet

I no longer feel like crying. In fact, I feel ten times better than I felt last night. I think I was majorly PMS-ing. It’s amazing what a difference one day can make.

I edited for a while today, and the editing went a lot easier today than it did yesterday. Some of the sections of the book (the time travel/adventure novel) need a lot more work than others. The sections I worked on today required far less editing, so that definitely lifted my mood.

After I worked for a few hours, I spent the rest of the day cleaning, in preparation for Kate’s arrival tomorrow. Having a clean house always makes me feel better. Granted, my house now smells like the inside of a jar of Heifetz pickles (I use vinegar to clean almost everything, including the hardwood floors). The smell should dissipate overnight, though. All I have left to do is one more load of laundry, and then the place will be ready for my pal’s arrival!

Once I start cleaning, I’m like an insane cyclone. I actually like cleaning. I took deep pleasure this afternoon in cleaning the refrigerator. I think that’s my favorite cleaning chore of all time. I truly enjoy taking out the bins and the glass shelves and scrubbing them and rinsing them off and scouring the inside of the refrigerator. My least favorite task? Mopping. Anyway, I feel infused with a new energy after having spent several hours tidying up the place. It’s brings me a tremendous amount of joy to be in a neat, clean environment.

A nice little thing happened today. I was sorting through some clothes and came across a shirt I bought on eBay several years ago. Even though I knew it wouldn’t fit me, I bought it anyway, because I loved it so much and thought, Well, one day, when I get skinnier, it’ll fit. It’s a black, sort of shear, long-sleeve Western shirt with pearl snaps and these little white flowers on the pockets. It’s on the feminine side and very cool and kinda sexy. I spent $25 or $30 on it, which is kind of a lot for a secondhand shirt, but as I said, I really loved it. When it arrived in the mail, it was insanely small. There was no way I could squeeze myself into it, even if my life depended on it.

Well, today I thought, Hey, I’m going to try this shirt on. Maybe it’ll fit now. AND IT DID! Perfectly! Absolutely perfectly! I’m wearing it right now. When Kate gets here, maybe I’ll ask her to take a picture of me in it and I’ll post it on here. She’s coming in tomorrow afternoon on the train from Vancouver, BC. She flew there first for a fun little side trip, and then she’s taking Amtrak to Portland tomorrow. I’m picking her up from Union Station downtown, which I’ve driven past but never been inside. It’ll be a mini-adventure of sorts, I suppose.

Editing and cleaning and a shirt that fits me—it’s not very exciting stuff, I know. I’m sure I’ll have more adventuresome posts to write once Kate arrives and we take some field trips. I’m super excited for her arrival, even though I’ll have to spend some time working while she’s here. She’s very understanding that way, though, which is part of the reason I love her.

Oh, one more thing. I started watching this TV show called Grimm last night. It’s set in Portland. During the opening scene of the pilot episode, they played “Sweet Dreams” by the Eurythmics. I was blown away when I heard this song play through my Bose SoundDock; it sounded so different than just hearing it through the built-in speaker on my computer. I hadn’t heard the song in quite a while, and I had forgotten just how talented Annie Lennox and Dave Stewart were together. I had several of their albums on vinyl back in the day. Anyway, enjoy this video. It wows me. I mean, this song really is a masterpiece. (p.s. Annie Lennox is 57 years old now. Where has the time gone?)

Me and My Sandwich and the Book That Never Ends

This is going to sound extremely pitiful, I know, but I’m so exhausted and stressed out that I feel like crying. I haven’t cried in a while, and the only thing that can bring me to tears is when I think about my mom. That’s the one and only thing that makes me cry. I tried to explain that to a friend of mine recently, but she couldn’t understand it. It’s like the crying switch turned off when my mom died because one of the worst things that could happen to me—my mom dying—already happened. Anyway, there are still times when I feel like crying, but I never can muster the tears. Right now is one of those times.

I edited 25,000 more words of the kids’ time travel/adventure novel today, and maintaining this pace is wearing me down. I’m not taking good care of myself, especially when it comes to eating. When I get stressed out and work very hard, I often forget to eat or I get so busy that I skip meals. It’s almost 9 p.m. and I haven’t eaten dinner yet. That’s just wrong and so bad for me.

I’m not going to be able to finish this book before Kate arrives on Friday. It’s just not possible, and I have to resign myself to that fact. It’s not due until May 11, but I wanted to finish it before she got here. I still have about 25,000 more words to edit, plus I have to go back and proofread everything I edited today and then proofread the rest of the book after I edit it. The writing is very good, but the author often uses punctuation incorrectly and has a lot of run-on sentences and sentence fragments. So even though the writing itself is excellent—as are the plot, characters, and dialogue—I have to make a lot of tedious corrections. And the book is very long, too. I love to read long books, but I don’t like to edit long books. I prefer to edit books that are in the 60,000- to 80,000-word range, and this one is nearly 110,000 words.

I have to take some time off tomorrow, too, so I can tidy up the place before Kate gets here. That’ll mainly consist of doing several loads of laundry (mostly linens and some rugs), mopping, and clearing the refrigerator of anything that’s nearing science-experiment status. I’m so glad I have a washer and dryer—and a dishwasher—here. Fortunately, my house isn’t in too much of a disarray right now, so I just have to tidy up a bit.

Today a guy asked me to proofread a novel for him, and the pay he offered was quite good, but I turned it down. I’ve got too much work right now as it is, and I don’t like proofreading anyway.

Sorry for the dreary post. I’m going to go eat my sandwich now and watch a couple of episodes of Alcatraz. I have to remind myself, too, that I could be stressed out by not having any work at all. Instead I’m stressed out because I have too much work. Things could be so much worse, but they aren’t! I’m sure I’ll feel better once Kate gets here. She always knows how to cheer me up.

Just so I end on an upbeat note, here’s one of my favorite pictures of MoMo, all wet and bedraggled, post bath. He always knows how to cheer me up, too.

Prison Break: Women’s Edition

The other night I watched my final episode of Prison Break. I was so sad to see it end. It was the perfect combination of awesome cheesiness, action/adventure, suspense, crime, and romance, and, most important, it involved a prison breakout—one of my favorite genres. My mom loved movies and TV shows about prison breakouts, too. I guess it’s in my DNA. Robert Knepper, who plays a psychopathic inmate named T-Bag, was far and away the best thing about that show. He’s a brilliant actor.

SPOILER ALERT: Even sadder for me was that the very last episode, which was ninety minutes long, was set in a women’s prison. Oh, I was so gleeful during that last episode! And so glum when it ended! Lori Petty plays this awful Southern butch dyke named Daddy. She runs a “family” in the prison, with a “wife” and adult “kids.” She’s so awesomely gross in the role. I wanted that episode to go on forever, like a fantastical dream that never ends. It was almost as great as when Diane Sawyer spent an entire day and night in a women’s prison, dressed in prison garb, in Georgia in the early 2000s for an episode of ABC’s Primetime and learned all about the prison hierarchy of “studs” and “femmes.” Now, that was some awesome television programming. If I had some way to access that Primetime episode again, I’d watch it in a heartbeat. Anyway, back to the final episode of Prison Break. Here’s a picture of Lori Petty as Daddy.

This last episode prompted me to develop a sequel to Prison Break, which I will pitch to the Fox Network. It’ll be called—what else?—Prison Break: Women’s Edition. I’m still coming up with the cast of characters and the plot and perhaps will reveal them in a future post. For now, here’s a teaser character for you.

SAMMIE “GAYMART” BANKS
Vital stats: age 34; five foot three; 243 pounds; blonde; has a mullet that she considers ironic not trashy; sports a lightning-bolt-shaped scar on her left cheek from an unfortunate barroom brawl five years ago at Murmurs, a lesbian watering hole in Bloomington, Indiana.

Reason for incarceration: kingpin of a counterfeit clothing operation that produced knock-off Dickies, Doc Martens, and Hanes white wifebeaters, primarily for the lesbian marketplace but also male mechanics and day laborers.

Likes: long walks on the beach, cocker spaniel puppies, and shivs to the lower abdomen.

Dislikes: broccoli. Also, call her “Samantha” and you’ll get a shiv to the lower abdomen.

The plot of the show will, of course, revolve around six or seven female prisoners (all lesbians) who devise a scheme to break out of a high-security prison. Part of their breakout plan involves the use of a small silver-plated labrys. That’s the only detail I know about their breakout right now.

Now that Prison Break is over, I’ve watched a couple of episodes of Alcatraz (also a Fox show). I couldn’t believe it when I came across it last night. I’d never heard of it before. (I’m kind of out of the loop pop-culture-wise because I don’t have a TV.) The plot revolves around the disappearance of all the prisoners at Alcatraz in 1963 on the night they were supposed to be transferred to another facility. Prison officials covered up their disappearance to avoid an investigation and subsequent public disgrace. Flash forward to present-day San Francisco. One by one these prisoners from the past are mysteriously showing up today and committing heinous crimes. Even stranger is the fact that none of them has aged a day! This show, which is is really, really good so far, combines two of my favorite genres (the prison breakout genre, well, in a weird sci-fi way, and the time travel genre). Plus, it stars Sam Neill, who’s a great actor, and also Jorge Garcia, who played Hurley on Lost and who I worked with for a couple of years at Borders in L.A. in the early ’90s when he was a young, aspiring actor. Anyway, this show is awesome so far and is making me consider actually buying a TV and getting cable.

All for now. Hang tight for my updated plot description and character list for Prison Break: Women’s Edition. How could Fox possibly turn down something of such intrinsic value and goodness? It’s a surefire winner.